Managing Holidays as a Co-Parent Tips for Creating Joyful Memories

Managing Holidays as a Co-Parent: Tips for Creating Joyful Memories

By Phoenix Lane

🎄 The Holidays Can Still Be Beautiful

The holidays are meant to be magical—but when you’re co-parenting after divorce, they can also bring stress, sadness, or conflict. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed trying to split time, coordinate plans, or protect your peace during this time of year, you’re not alone.

At Divorced and Happy AF, we believe you can create meaningful, joyful holiday memories—even if you’re sharing parenting time with someone who isn’t easy to work with. It’s not about a perfect holiday. It’s about creating peace, honoring your new reality, and prioritizing your happiness and your children’s well-being.

Let’s talk about how to make it through the holidays with less stress—and more joy.

🎯 Step 1: Plan Ahead—and Put It in Writing

One of the biggest stressors during the holidays is last-minute decisions and unclear plans. Avoid chaos by getting the schedule confirmed well in advance.

Tips for Planning Ahead:

• Use a co-parenting calendar to document who has the kids on which days.
• Decide which holidays are alternating (e.g., Christmas Eve vs. Christmas Day).
• Consider splitting the holiday (morning with one parent, evening with the other) if you’re on good terms.

✨ Pro Tip: Always confirm plans in writing—via email, text, or a co-parenting app—to avoid confusion and future drama.

💬 Step 2: Communicate Like a Grown Woman (Even If He Doesn’t)

You might be dealing with a narcissist, a manipulator, or just someone who loves to stir up conflict. The key? Stay calm, clear, and child-focused.

Holiday Communication Boundaries:

• Be direct and respectful, not emotional.
• Use “BIFF” communication—Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm.
• If the conversation derails, pause and revisit when emotions settle.
• Use tools like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents to keep interactions documented.

You don’t need to argue or explain yourself. Let clarity be your power.

🛑 Step 3: Set Expectations for Gifts and Traditions

Holidays can become a battleground over who gets the “best gift” or who makes the memories. Stop the competition and focus on your child’s experience—not your ex’s behavior.

Consider:

• Agreeing on a gift budget or categories so things stay balanced.
• Letting your child enjoy both households’ traditions—they don’t have to choose.
• Creating new traditions just for you and your child to look forward to.

Even if your ex tries to one-up you, don’t play the game. Be the parent who brings emotional security, not just toys.

💖 Step 4: Make Your Own Joy—No Matter What the Schedule Looks Like

If you’re alone on Christmas morning or without your kids on New Year’s Eve, it can feel painful—but your holiday still matters.

What You Can Do:

• Plan a Friendsgiving or Mom’s Night In with loved ones.
• Treat yourself to a spa day, solo movie night, or mini getaway.
• Decorate your space, play your favorite music, and make the day special for YOU.
• Celebrate “your holiday” on a different day when the kids are with you.

You’re allowed to feel sad and find joy again. Both can exist.

🧒 Step 5: Keep the Kids Out of the Drama

Your child’s only job during the holidays is to feel loved, safe, and excited. Don’t let them become messengers, referees, or guilt absorbers.

Protect Their Peace:

• Never ask them to “choose” who to be with.
• Avoid bad-mouthing your ex in front of them.
• Reassure them: “You’re allowed to have fun at both houses. That’s a good thing.”

Your grace during the holidays can become one of the greatest gifts they carry into adulthood.

🎁 Step 6: Celebrate Small Wins

If you stayed calm during a tense conversation, got the schedule locked in peacefully, or created a new tradition your child loved—celebrate that win.

You’re doing something incredibly difficult with compassion, class, and consistency. That deserves to be honored.

🌟 Final Thoughts: You Get to Redefine the Holidays

Yes, divorce changes everything—but that doesn’t mean the holidays have to be filled with dread. You get to reclaim this time on your terms—with peace, purpose, and maybe even a little sparkle.

This season, let go of the pressure to be perfect and lean into what matters: peace over performance, joy over judgment, and presence over perfection.

You’ve got this—and you don’t have to do it alone.

📣 Need more support this season?

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You deserve peace, joy, and a holiday season that serves you, too.