Parenting as a Team Finding Common Ground With Your Ex

Parenting as a Team: Finding Common Ground With Your Ex

By Phoenix Lane

💬 You Don't Have to Be Friends to Be a Team

Co-parenting after divorce isn’t about liking each other or agreeing on everything—it’s about showing up for your kids with consistency, maturity, and boundaries. Whether your ex is cooperative, difficult, or somewhere in between, finding common ground is possible—and crucial for your children’s emotional well-being.

At Divorced and Happy AF, we know how hard it can be to "team up" with someone who may have caused you pain. But the goal isn’t perfection. It’s progress, peace, and parenting with purpose—even in the face of tension.

Let’s explore practical, realistic ways to parent like a team… without losing yourself in the process.

🎯 Step 1: Focus on the Bigger Picture—Your Children

When emotions run high, remind yourself of the mission: your child’s health, happiness, and stability.

Common Ground Mindset:

• “We both love our children.”
• “We both want them to feel safe and supported.”
• “We can disagree as adults, but still prioritize our kids.”

Even if your ex isn't emotionally mature, staying mission-focused keeps you grounded in purpose—not pain.

✍️ Step 2: Establish Parenting Agreements in Writing

Clear, written expectations reduce confusion and cut down on unnecessary conflict.

Tools to Help:

• Parenting Plan – Outline schedules, holidays, decision-making responsibilities, etc.
• Shared Calendar – Google Calendar, Cozi, or apps like OurFamilyWizard can reduce missed communication.
• Co-Parenting Apps – TalkingParents or AppClose help track messages and updates professionally.

📝 Bonus Tip: Put everything in writing. Clarity now prevents conflict later.

🤝 Step 3: Define Your Communication Style

You can’t control how your ex speaks—but you can control how (and when) you respond.

Smart Co-Parenting Communication Rules:

• Use a designated platform like email or a co-parenting app.
• Stick to the topic—don’t get pulled into personal drama.
• Use “BIFF” (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) responses.
• Schedule check-ins (monthly or quarterly) to discuss big-picture issues.

If they escalate or blame, don’t mirror the chaos. Stay calm, clear, and direct.

🛑 Step 4: Set and Respect Healthy Boundaries

Teamwork doesn't mean losing yourself or tolerating disrespect. You can be a co-parent and still have boundaries.

Boundaries That Matter:

• Respect for time – Stick to agreed-upon pick-up/drop-off schedules.
• Respect for space – No surprise visits or last-minute changes.
• Respect for communication – Keep things professional and child-focused.

Boundaries aren’t punishment. They’re protection—for you, your peace, and your parenting.

💡 Step 5: Find Neutral Ground—Even If It’s Small

You may never see eye-to-eye on everything, but look for one thing you can both agree on. That’s where you build from.

Look For Shared Goals:

• "We both want our child to succeed in school."
• "We want birthdays to be special."
• "We don’t want our child to feel caught in the middle."

Start with neutral topics before tackling hot-button issues. Shared wins—even small ones—build momentum.

❤️ Step 6: Don’t Involve the Kids in the Conflict

No matter how frustrated or fed up you feel, don’t put the burden on your child to “take sides,” carry messages, or decode conflict.

Instead, Try:

• "That's something your dad and I will handle."
• "I'm sorry that happened. I'm working on it with your mom."
• "We both love you and will figure this out."

Your kids deserve to be kids—not referees or messengers.

👑 Step 7: Celebrate the Wins (Even the Tiny Ones)

Co-parenting with an ex—especially a difficult one—is no small feat. Give yourself credit when:

• You respond with grace instead of anger
• You protect your child’s peace
• You uphold your boundaries without guilt

Those are all huge wins in post-divorce parenting.

🌟 Final Thoughts: Teamwork Looks Different After Divorce

“Parenting as a team” doesn’t mean you're best friends or even fully aligned. It means you’re both present, consistent, and respectful of your child’s needs.

Even when your ex makes it hard, even when the past weighs heavy—you can lead this co-parenting team with strength and grace. You already are.

📣 Need help staying calm and empowered while co-parenting?

👉 Join our email list for weekly co-parenting tips, boundary scripts, and emotional support
🛍️ Shop our empowering apparel that reminds you who the hell you are
📥 Download our free Co-Parenting Clarity Checklist to keep your plan tight and drama-free

You've got this—and we’ve got your back.